CAREY WAS CONVINCED SHE'D BE DEAD BY NOW. PUTS BABY MAKING ON HOLD.

MARIAH CAREY feels blessed to be alive - she never thought she'd live to see her 40th birthday. The singer turned 40 in March (09) and admits she celebrated more than most. She says, "Honestly, I never thought I'd live this long." The Without You singer tells In Touch magazine, "I have always been grateful for everything I had, but my personal life was a mess.

So many artists just exist for their careers and then burn out quickly. "I always thought that I wouldn't be here at this point. I was thinking, 'OK, I've got another year of my life left. This has got to be the end of it.'" Meeting and marrying rapper/actor Nick Cannon made Carey stop thinking so negatively.

MARIAH CAREY has put her plans to become a mum on hold - because she and husband NICK CANNON can't decide where to raise their kids. The couple bought a home in Los Angeles earlier this year (09), amid reports Carey was already pregnant - but she has made it clear she's not ready to make Hollywood her permanent base.